Why Me?

“You have a road ahead of you.” Seven simple words that mean surgery after surgery, pill after pill, and year after year, I may never be the same. In less than 48 hours, I face my first operation to rebuild my right shoulder. In 6 months, I will do it all over again to repair my left. All while not having a solid answer to why my joints are aging so much faster than me. And I am scared to death.

I am not scared I won’t wake up after surgery or that my heart will give out from all the stress. I am scared of living. I am scared of the battle I am facing. I am terrified of the journey ahead. But I have to take it.

I have to let them operate and rebuild me. I have to let them put needles through my joints while I am wide awake. I have to let them experiment on how to keep my joints in place. And I have to be strong.

This isn’t the journey I wanted. This isn’t the path I wanted to take.

“So why God? Why me?”

As I ask this, I am reminded of something I was once told to ask instead.

“Why not me?”

Why shouldn’t He let me be the test dummy to one day help find a cure? Why shouldn’t He use me to build a testimony like no other? Why shouldn’t he use my pain for His glory?

Some days I forget that God is God and I am not. I am not the one who holds the future and raised the dead back to life. I am His creation, and nothing He creates is flawed.

My pain isn’t without reason, my sorrows aren’t without love, and my fear isn’t without peace that can only come from above.

Everyone has their own giants in their life. But God is bigger. He is bigger than our doubt, our fears, our demons, He is bigger than any giant that we will ever meet.

We find ourselves so caught up in how big our problems are that we forget how big our God is.

He will quiet the storms in our lives the moment that we accept that He is the only one who can.

Let go, and let God.

1 John 4:4

“You are from God, little children, and you have conquered them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.“